The most frequent song on my playlist. Love it, enjoy :)

Indeed, it had been an extremely tough week for me. People who knows me well enough knows that Pearl was my life, my everything. I lived this week with emptiness and sorrow.

Today, Pearly's ashes were freed to the sea. I've leashed her for 14 years 6 months, its time i let her go. Its time she regained her freedom. She had been strong for me, going through a year of medication and going through the many escapes from death for me. Its time i be strong for her and let her go...


"Darling, you have been the best companion and the best thing that happened to my life. You brought me happiness and I wish I did too. You be a strong girl and continue your journey. Though you are gone, you remain in my heart and the memories will never be forgotten. I miss you badly and u know i love you still even if you are gone."

Love, Mummy.

Avoided coming back home early to an empty house, full of Pearl's stuffs, scent and images. Everything but her. I just got home, parents were sleeping and lights were out. As like usual, i was careful to be sure not to step on Pearl.

What was i even thinking?

There is a before and after for everything. Life is before death and we Buddhism believed there is life after death as well. But I often wonder, what’s before life then? We believe in religions to prepare ourselves well so that the uncertain may seemingly be clear to us.

Like a composition, our lives are set out with an introduction, the body, the ending or so to speak, the conclusion. The similarities between the two? Is that how we came into this world is how we are going to end up leaving it. Alone and with nothing.

It is hard to describe what I am feeling now. The thoughts about losing you are not just words that could define, it cannot be written and it can only be felt. Ive always thought that you are too dependent on me and needs me around all the time. But I come to realize, it is probably the other way round. I need you more than you needed me. You are the heart of my very soul and I have come to a point in my life knowing that I can't quite live without you.